Want to improve your sex life? 

Given the current obsession with optimising every aspect of our health, it was only a matter of time until the conversation seriously turned to sex. The World Health Organisation emphasises how sexual health is intertwined with “physical, emotional, mental and social wellbeing”, and longevity experts are placing sexual wellness (anything from emotions and pleasure, to hormones and bodily mechanics) at the forefront of the quest for peak performance. Destination resorts SHA Wellness Clinic and Six Senses hotels have launched specialist sexual wellbeing retreats. And networking events such as Summit and Harvest are hosting sexual wellbeing sessions, mindful perhaps that the sexual wellness industry is estimated to reach a value of $92bn by 2032. It all sounds more fun than an ice bath.

“Historically, sex has been reduced to something we do. But it also has a great impact on how we think and feel,” says pyschosexual therapist Kate Moyle, author of The Science of Sex and host of The Sexual Wellness Sessions podcast. She exhorts us to remember that “what’s happening in our sex lives impacts other areas of our life”. Disappointing, then, that nearly 40 per cent of people in the UK are not sexually satisfied. 

According to the founder of health optimisation clinic Viavi Dr Sabine Donnai, sexual wellness is central to all wellness: “It’s crazy to imagine you can separate them. Our sexual wellness provides a window into your overall performance,” she explains. “When you are stressed or need mitochondrial support or whatever it is, the first thing that goes is the sex.” 

SHA Wellness Clinic has recently launched Sexual Wellbeing Units at both its properties, in Spain and Mexico, bringing together an array of gynaecologists, urologists and hormone specialists to optimize one’s sexual health. Among the more intriguing therapies? Penile shockwave therapy – to encourage blood flow for a stronger erection. 

The Spanish branch is headed up by psychologist Cinthya Molina. What does the Sexual Wellbeing Unit look at? “So many things: hormones, intimacy, self esteem and confidence, erection, pleasure,” she says. 

We’ve made sexual wellness a central health pillar for SHA

“We’ve made sexual wellness a central health pillar for SHA, as we believe it is a vital component in helping guests become the best version of themselves,” continues Alejandro Bataller, vice president of SHA Wellness and mother group AB Living. Any guest can choose a sexual add-on (for €2,000), and a sexual wellness consultation is included in the Well Aging programme. Take-up among guests, who are evenly split between men and women, and are mostly over 40, is high. 

Entrepreneur Lucy Elliott* came to SHA after receiving conflicting advice from a series of London doctors. “I’d been diagnosed with anything from depression to ADHD.” Investigations at SHA revealed she had a “hormone imbalance causing my brain fog, forgetfulness, erratic moods and lack of enthusiasm in the bedroom.” Three months later, things are much improved on the sex front, “but I also notice I’m much sharper at work”.  

“Too often women simply tolerate fatigue or pain,” says Dr Helen O’Neill, founder and CEO of virtual diagnostic clinic Hertility. She points out there may be longer-term consequences of just soldiering on: oestrogen is neuro-protective, and data suggests that oestrogen therapy in menopause transition may reduce the risk of Alzheimer’s disease.

Next to hormones, another physical aspect of sexual wellness is the pelvic floor – that hammock of muscles reaching from pubic bone to tailbone, relating to continence but also to orgasm. One of SHA’s most popular treatments is Emsella, a chair that emits electromagnetic waves to tighten the pelvic floor muscles, with more than 10,000 contractions in 28 minutes; the device is also championed by registered psychiatrist and aesthetic specialist Dr Galyna Selezneva at Dr Rita Rakus Clinic in Knightsbridge, who believes that it is as much about the muscles as about “self-worth, feeling confident in yourself”.

Emsella is not just for women. Says Molina, “I just saw a man who had tried Viagra, everything, to try to have a stronger erection; actually he just needed to improve the blood flow.” After two Emsella sessions, he came back and banged on her door: “It worked.”

When it comes to emotional and relational issues, Molina continues, men tend to arrive with a straightforward “how do we fix this” attitude. Women are more likely either to feel at fault (“what is wrong with me”), or duty-bound to have more sex. “Women don’t think we desire pleasure. Of the joy that we could claim. Sometimes we don’t think we deserve pleasure.” Often her role is to encourage clients to articulate their problems – then, to help them understand that change – “and yes, even orgasm is possible”.

“So many sexual issues are psychological: around anxiety or shame,” says Chloe Macintosh, the French born co-founder of made.com, who has spent the last decade studying sex and sensuality. “People are stuck in their heads. We need to take time to be present in our bodies, and to learn what we need and want.” Macintosh is busy. As well as founding sexual wellness app Kama, she is very active on the “self-improvement” circuit. 

Last September, with movement specialist Nick Brewer, she launched Embodied Love retreats, with sessions to deepen sexual understanding and joy – from breathwork, training the pelvic floor, and primal movement to workshops like 5 Keys To Great Sex and Intimacy.

Should we all be signing up? 

“We live in a culture of distraction, where for many sex has become de-prioritised,” comments Moyle. Nurturing your sexual self will, she says, pay dividends. 

When I next speak to Molina, on her desk is a huge bunch of orange flowers from a female client. “I gave her tools to have a conversation with her husband, and say how she likes sex, what she needs, and what she doesn’t want.” The results, the client told Molina, were life-changing. 

*Some names have been changed